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Conversation Tips and Resources for Parents

As a parent, you are the #1 influence on your child’s life, and the conversations you have with your kids now will impact their decisions throughout their whole future. 

Talking to your kids about substance use can be challenging, but these conversations need to happen. An easy way of bringing up the topic would be to relate it to something your teen has seen or experienced recently. For example, if you are driving and you hear an ad on the radio for a dispensary, or if you have recently seen a tv series that shows substance use, you could ask your child what their thoughts are on the subject. Informal conversations like this may feel more relaxed and natural than if you sit them down to have “the talk.” Your teen will likely be more open to continuing the conversation if they don’t feel cornered or pressured. For more support, you can utilize SAMHSA’s “Talk. They Hear You.” mobile app, which helps parents and caregivers prepare for some of the most important conversations they may ever have with their kids. It shows you how to turn everyday situations into opportunities to talk with your children about alcohol and other drugs, and equips you with the necessary skills, confidence, and knowledge to start and continue these conversations as your kids get older.

Not sure where to begin? Here are some ideas to help you start a conversation about cannabis with your child:

  • Show your support of health choices
  • Set family rules early
  • Be open and non-judgemental
  • Check-in frequently
  • Use informal times to talk
  • Share the science
  • Share the consequences of use
  • Discuss the legality

  • Get Input
    • Ask questions about your child’s opinions and experiences. Listening to their input will help you understand their basis of knowledge.
  • Be Clear
    • Show you disapprove of underage drinking and other drug misuse. Don’t assume they know your opinion.
  • Be Empathetic
    • Show you care about your teen’s health, wellness, and success. Reinforce why they shouldn’t use – because you want them to be happy and safe.
  • Be Credible
    • Show you’re a good source of information about alcohol and other drugs, or that you know where to find information.
  • Take Action
    • Show you’re paying attention and you will discourage risky behaviors. Ask about friends and plans because you care, not because you’re judging.
  • Find Solutions
    • Build your teen’s skills and strategies for avoiding drinking and drug use. Address peer pressure and how to say no.

  • Start having conversations with your child(ren) about health choices at a young age (the recommendation is to start before age 8).
    These could include conversations about healthy eating or exercise habits, safe decision-making, how to deal with peer pressure, how to find or identify credible health information, healthy coping skills and emotional regulation, as well as discussion of topics like substance use, suicide, or other risky behaviors. The more frequently you have these conversations, and the more you normalize an open pathway of communication regarding serious topics, the easier it will be for your child(ren) to come to you for help in their teen years.
  • Emphasize the importance of health choices in everyday situations and call attention to prevention events like Red Ribbon Week or Teen Driving Awareness Month in January.
    Continuous conversations will resonate more with youth and are more likely to be remembered down the line. Something as simple as pausing a TV show when a character is using substances to briefly discuss it with your child, or talking after you hear an ad on the radio will work. There are many opportunities to renew the conversations with your child(ren).
  • Set a precedent for your family by talking about what your family rules are (ex: curfew, no drinking and driving), and do your best to lead by example.
    Youth are more likely to follow a rule if they see that the adults around them are doing the same. For example, if you set a rule for your kids that they cannot use cannabis underage, but you yourself use cannabis, this may send a mixed message. Try to avoid situations where your child(ren) may see you using the substance, or if it is unavoidable, practice harm reduction strategies that follow other expectations, such as not driving after use or quantity control.

  • As a parent or caregiver, you can use the ParentingMontana.org rack cards “Marijuana & the Teenage Brain,” “Marijuana: What Does the Law Say?” and “Why Teens Shouldn’t Use Marijuana” to start talking through information with your child(ren). ParentingMontana.org is a resource for parents/caregivers that has been created and vetted by MSU’s Center for Health and Safety Culture.
  • Visit SAMHSA’s Parent & Caregiver Resource. Utilize their fact sheets and brochures to walk through information about substance use with your child(ren) as a good starting point, or download the “Talk. They Hear You” app on your phone for additional information and support on the go.
  • Nemour’s Kids Health pages give lots of information about different substances youth may be exposed to. Learn about the effects of these substances, and how to discuss them with your child(ren).
  • The National Institute on Drug Abuse has a section for parents and caregivers that will provide education on substances and the science of addiction and hosts examples of conversation starters as well. The “Mind Matters” series takes a deeper look into how the brain responds to different drugs and provides age-appropriate resources for those in grades K-9.

Conversation Prompts

Looking for some scripts or prompts to help you start the conversation? Not sure how to respond to your child’s question? We’ve got you covered! Remember: kids asking questions does not always result in them using cannabis. It’s normal for kids to feel curious and have questions.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

Asking permission like this will open the line of communication, and makes your teen feel empowered within the dialogue. Be prepared for a possible response of “NO, I don’t want to talk.” If this happens, ask why & have them recommend a time when they would be willing to talk.

Phrasing things in terms of legality also reinforces the idea that it is only legal for adults, not adolescents, and that you aren’t accusing them of anything – you are trying to prepare them with information for entering their adult life.

Asking your teen open ended questions like this helps keep the conversation going, and makes them think about other things that are legal but not necessarily healthy/safe. Alcohol and tobacco are great examples of regulated substances that have severely harmful side effects – such as health problems, DUIs, etc.

Starting the conversation with external perceptions of cannabis may be an easy way of breaking the ice. You could also ask about a news article, tv show, celebrity, or advertisement. It may be easier for your teen to open up about someone else than about their own opinions.

Repeating what you’ve heard your teen say before is a way to show you’ve been paying attention and using reflective listening skills. Asking about what would make it a big deal is a prompt that gets your teen thinking about their future and what may be important to them. Their answer will indicate what their boundaries are around drug use, and will give you insight as to what they know about the health risks of cannabis use already.

Avoid using phrases like “good/bad” or “disapprove” – this can cast shame and alienate your child from the conversation. Instead, frame things in relation to health: “healthy/unhealthy” or that you are “concerned/worried” about their actions rather than disapproving.

Prepare your child in advance by discussing healthy coping skills and activities that can be relaxing. Let them know that you are there in support of them, and will be available if they ever need to talk things through. They won’t get in trouble for asking questions!

If your child is already using cannabis, express your concern for their well-being. You could ask “What is going on in your life that makes you feel like you want/need to do this?” Talk through these issues with your child, and offer to work together to find better resources for coping – like yoga, reading, or sports.

If your child had admitted to experimenting with use before, you could ask how frequently they are using cannabis. Even though as a parent you may want them to not use at all, it is important to point out the positive — that it hasn’t become a daily habit. This allows the teen to feel like they aren’t a bad person or a disappointment and opens the door to further conversation about harm reduction practices or other coping skills.

Instead of telling them what to do when they are put in an uncomfortable situation, ask them what they might say. Brainstorming with your teen will be more effective than telling them what to do, because their ideas may mesh better with situations they have found themselves in.

Be truthful about the situation you were in. You may want to point out some of the negative effects this had, like impaired judgment. You should also point out that the cannabis you used in the past was WAY different from the stuff being produced today – today’s THC is much more potent. Explain that you want your child(ren) to be healthy, and with all the new research on how cannabis use affects the developing brain you don’t want your child(ren) to use.

Resources

Frequently Asked Questions

In Missoula County, 48.6% of students (8th-12th grade) say that at least 1 or more of their 4 best friends have used marijuana in the past 12 months (2022 Missoula Montana Prevention Needs Assessment).

Prepare your child with REAL Refusal Training: Refusal Training is an easy and effective way to teach youth how to say no while under pressure. While refusal training is generally focused on refusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs (ATOD), it can also be utilized to teach students how to say no in any uncomfortable situation. Additionally, though adults can facilitate the training, refusal training is most effective when it’s taught by peers. This provides a more comfortable space for them, so talk with your child with their siblings or friends present. There are four steps of refusal skills: Refuse, Explain, Avoid, and Leave. After talking about these four options, practice refusal skills by talking through different scenarios with them

REAL Refusal Skills:

Refuse: Teach students to say “no” and be firm and confident while doing so. Remind them of reasons to say no: ask them what their dreams and aspirations are and how substance use could impact them.

Explain: Provide students with examples of explanations – they can be honest or made up: “We have school tomorrow, I need to be sober,” “I can’t vape because my parents drug test me,” “My cousin had a bad reaction to dabbing,” or “I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Avoid: Avoid situations that are hotspots for ATOD-use, including parties or bonfires. Talk with students about situations where ATOD may be present.

Leave: If students attend a party or social gathering where ATODs are present, they need to leave immediately to avoid peer pressure, injury, or legal consequences.

If you have noticed signs that your child may be using cannabis, or they have told you they are, the best thing to do is talk to them about it. Express your care and concern for them, while explaining why using cannabis is not a healthy coping mechanism. Studies have shown that cannabis use is actually linked to increased rates of anxiety 3, 4, depression 1 and suicidality 2,5. If your child is using cannabis because they believe it will help, gently correct them and assist with building healthy resiliency skills or finding professional support. A list of local mental health resources can be found by clicking here.

For more tips, check out this guide: My child is abusing drugs and alcohol - what do I do?

1) Kedzior, K. K., and L. T. Laeber. 2014. A positive association between anxiety disorders and cannabis use or cannabis use disorders in the general population—A meta-analysis of 31 studies. BMC Psychiatry 14:136.

2) Blanco, C., D. S. Hasin, M. M. Wall, L. Florez-Salamanca, N. Hoertel, S. Wang, B. T. Kerridge, and M. Olfson. 2016. Cannabis use and risk of psychiatric disorders: Prospective evidence from a U.S. national longitudinal study. JAMA Psychiatry 73(4):388–3

3) Feingold, D., M. Weiser, J. Rehm, and S. Lev-Ran. 2016. The association between cannabis use and anxiety disorders: Results from a population-based representative sample. European Neuropsychopharmacology 26(3):493–505

4) National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine 2017. The Health Effects of Cannabis and Cannabinoids: The Current State of Evidence and Recommendations for Research. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press. https://doi.org/10.17226/24625.Borges, G., C. L. Bagge, and R. Orozco. 2016. A literature review and meta-analyses of cannabis use and suicidality. Journal of Affective Disorders 195:63–74

5) Shalit, N., G. Shoval, D. Shlosberg, D. Feingold, and S. Lev-Ran. 2016. The association between cannabis use and suicidality among men and women: A population-based longitudinal study. Journal of Affective Disorders 205:216–224

The brain isn’t done developing until around age 25, so if an adolescent is using substances like cannabis, their brain’s health can definitely be affected. Drugs interfere with the way the brain sends, receives, and processes signals through neurotransmitters (the chemical messengers of the brain). In the case of cannabis, as THC interacts with the brain it speeds up the electrical pulse that sends these messages. A good way to describe this is that your brain is receiving too many messages at once. Your mailbox is overflowing with messages, and because you can’t read them fast enough, there are messages that aren’t getting through. When your brain is overwhelmed like this it tends to hyper-focus on just one message at a time, and doesn’t learn to prioritize.

Cannabis affects your entire brain, so over time with repeated use it could cause:

Impacts on academic performance: Shorter attention span, Difficulty concentrating, Harder time studying or remembering things, Fatigue and tiredness, Poor academic performance.

Impacts on physical health: Slower reaction time, Decreased endurance, Poor coordination, More difficulty developing muscle, Higher likelihood of injury, Abnormal heart rate leads to poor blood circulation.

For more information on how the THC in cannabis can impact brain health, check out the following videos:

The earlier you begin having conversations about drug use with your kids, the more effective a deterrent it will be. Knowing what the laws are may provide a good starting point for discussion with your family:

Youth use of cannabis is NOT legal in Montana until the age of 21 (or 18 with a medical card).

When setting rules for your family it is important to discuss the “why” rather than just giving a blanket “just say no” rule. Explain that in addition to the law, you care about their health and want them to succeed in life. Express that you don’t want them to use cannabis underage, and explain the consequences (both legally and for your family) for what would happen if they are caught using. In the case of setting consequences, ensure that the punishment matches the crime. For example, if they skipped school or left class early you might assign them a few extra hours of studying at home to learn what they missed, rather than allowing them to hang out with friends.

Tips for Setting Clear Rules about Substances

  • Knowing what the laws are can help provide a starting point for discussion.
  • Plan ways for youth to manage peer pressure situations. Practice conversations and refusal training.
  • Have a “codeword” with an escape plan.
  • Teach them to only accept a beverage when they know exactly what is in it.
  • Help your children avoid dangerous situations such as riding in a car driven by someone who was drinking.
  • Establish a curfew or guidelines for activities if an adult is not present.
  • Tell an adult where you are going, and let the same adult know when you arrive.

Check out the two ParentingMontana.org podcasts below for more ideas on how to talk to your kids about drug use and set clear rules:

For Kids and Tweens: Guidance and Discipline for Skill Building Podcast

For Tweens and Teens: Having Conversations about Alcohol and Drug Use

Yes, cannabis use can impact your child’s academics. Studies have shown that marijuana use is associated with shorter attention spans, problems with cognitive learning ability, and memory issues1, 2, 3. These effects can linger long after use, as the brain is trying to recuperate6.

“Students who frequently smoke marijuana tend to get lower grades, have higher truancy and are more likely to drop out of high school4. Studies have shown that compared with students who never use marijuana, those who were daily users before age 17 had a clear reduction in rates of high school graduation and also a reduced chance of achieving a college degree5. In fact, teens under the age of 17 who use cannabis daily are 60% less likely to graduate from high school than their peers4.” – Teens and Drugs – How Cannabis Affects School Life – MJ FactCheck

1) “Broyd, S. J., H. H. Van Hell, C. Beale, M. Yucel, and N. Solowij. 2016. Acute and chronic effects of cannabinoids on human cognition—A systematic review. Biological Psychiatry 79(7):557–567

2) Batalla, A., S. Bhattacharyya, M. Yucel, P. Fusar-Poli, J. A. Crippa, S. Nogue, M. Torrens, J. Pujol, M. Farre, and R. Martin-Santos. 2013. Structural and functional imaging studies in chronic cannabis users: A systematic review of adolescent and adult findings. PLOS ONE 8(2):e55821.

3) Filbey, F. M., T. McQueeny, S. Kadamangudi, C. Bice, and A. Ketcherside. 2015. Combined effects of marijuana and nicotine on memory performance and hippocampal volume. Behavioural Brain Research 293:46–53.”

4) McCaffrey, D. F., Liccardo Pacula, R., Han, B., & Ellickson, P. (2010). Marijuana use and high school dropout: the influence of unobservables. Health Economics, 19(11), 1281-1299.

5) Arria, A. M., Caldeira, K. M., Bugbee, B. A., Vincent, K. B., & O’Grady, K. E. (2015). The academic consequences of marijuana use during college. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 29(3), 564.

6) School Failure | Get Smart About Drugs

Missoula County has many resources for preventing underage substance use. You can contact us by email to get connected. Please note, Missoula Public Health does not offer substance use treatment or direct mental health care. Email us at [email protected]

For additional support, check out Montana 211 to see a list of local mental health and substance use resources.

Imagine the brain is like a puzzle that is slowly being solved. The basic layout with all the pieces is there, but until the age of 25 the puzzle is not yet complete. Each of these “puzzle pieces,” or neurons, connects to another and forms a variety of interconnected circuits that control specific functions of the body. The neurons that make up these circuits send neurotransmitters, the “chemical messengers” of the brain, to coordinate specific behaviors. As a psychoactive substance, cannabis interferes with the way these signals are sent. This means that no matter the method of use, it can still be harmful. It changes the functions of the nervous system and results in alterations in perception, mood, consciousness, cognition or behavior.

The two main components in cannabis are CBD and THC. THC is what creates the “high.” There is a dose-response relationship between THC and health risks – which means higher potency or more frequent use increases the risk of harm. This is exacerbated by the fact that THC content has skyrocketed in recent years – today’s cannabis flower has 3X the concentration of THC compared to 25 years ago1. This is much more potent than the “hippie” or “woodstock weed” most parents think of, and is particularly concerning because THC concentration in cannabis products is often mislabeled and not closely regulated. In forms like vaping, edibles, and dabbing it is difficult to measure accurately. Dabbing is one of the methods of use most associated with emergency room visits (Stanford).

1) ElSohly MA, Mehmedic Z, Foster S, Gon C, Chandra S, Church JC. Changes in Cannabis Potency Over the Last 2 Decades (1995-2014): Analysis of Current Data in the United States. Biol Psychiatry. 2016 Apr 1;79(7):613-9. doi: 10.1016/j.biopsych.2016.01.004. Epub 2016 Jan 19. PMID: 26903403; PMCID: PMC4987131.https://www.biologicalpsychiatryjournal.com/article/S0006-3223(16)00045-7/fulltex

With the growing fentanyl crisis in the United States this is a concern that many parents may have. The purchase of drugs from the “black market” always presents a risk because you don’t know exactly what you may be buying. However, youth use of cannabis is always risky, no matter where the product comes from. THC content (the part of cannabis that produces the “high” or euphoria) has skyrocketed in recent years and is often mislabeled or not closely regulated. This means that youth who are using cannabis may be exposed to higher concentrations of THC than they may be expecting. This is especially true in forms like vaping, edibles, and dabbing because it is difficult to measure dosage accurately. As a result, youth may suffer a higher risk of negative health effects, like overdose or cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS). According to Stanford, dabbing is one of the methods of use most associated with emergency room visits.

In the state of Montana it is illegal for adults to provide cannabis to minors. If your child is already using cannabis, the best practice here would be to talk to your child about why cannabis use isn’t safe for the developing brain, and connect them with resources that will provide education on cannabis use and allow them to quit. Teach them healthy coping skills and continue having conversations with them to check in on their progress.